Thank you for your prayers, your kind words and your friendship.
I’m home from the ER. Got home last night.
My life isn’t perfect, but it is beautiful. I’m loved by a Father who protects me and offers me peace in him.
I have an amazing son in Travis. He is traveling a path of grief and loss, even I can’t relate to. And in the midst of his own pain, he called my best friend Jessica and asked her to take me out so he could surprise me with a clean house. He knows the kind of man he wants to be, and I’m proud of him and lucky to be his mom.
I am blessed with Sue, the mother beyond all moms. One who is willing to stand by me, pray with me, cry with me, bleep expletives with me (I’ve explevated (can I make that a word?) while she’s bleeped), and gives tirelessly of herself to see me and my baby through this horrible time. I can’t imagine walking in her shoes as she first lost a precious grandson but now must watch her own child struggle.
And, like Job, I have some of the most amazing, true friends. Incredible people who come to sit with me, cry with me, tell stories with me, play games with me, offer to bury bodies with me, or just do nothing at all with me. There are people who have surrounded me who easily come to mind as long-standing friends, but also more distant friends who pick up the phone to let me know I’m on their mind and in their heart.
I have amazing comrades in rescue who, despite the added burden they carry in doing so, give me grace to take a breath as I work to heal.
It’s been four months since my child died and this is already a longer path than I would have ever imagined. Never did I believe the depths to which loss can rock the soul of a human.
I am not well, but it is well.
My body is broken and healing isn’t happening at the speed I desire, but this is a part of my journey, a part of my story. Through all the heartbreak and pain, I praise God for His provisions in friendship, for the peace that I have in him, for the bold ways that He is truly protecting me and my family.
This past weekend, Travis was sharing with me sadness in being an only child and what that would look like in his life. My son growing up alone was never my plan. It’s never how it was meant to be: just the two of us.
We plan on changing that. Together.
There are so many children in this world who are desperate for family and for love… it won’t be today or tomorrow, but I am finding joy in the prospect of the two of us building our family and bringing in new love and new laughter.
I look forward to pursuing my passions without reservation or limitations and doing all I can to make my small corner of this world a better place.
There is still a long road ahead, but I have peace for I know that as long as we keep our focus on Him, he will direct our paths… and His way is always higher than our own.
And as Travis and I venture down this winding road, I know we do so with the cutest, most gleeful, most precious dancing angel looking down on us.
#KeepPraying
#LivingForTanner
#MoreLoveToGive
#GodsGotThis
