Since the day my baby boy turned 16 he decided he was going to jump ahead and just be 18.
(That’s part of the joy of having a child with Down syndrome… you never know what they’re going to decide to fixate on!)
But gosh-darned he was 18 and so proud of it!
“How old are you?” he’d be asked.
“EIGH-TEEN!!” he would exclaim.
“Silly boy, you’re 16!” I would jokingly counter. He would then dramatically plant his face into the palm of his hand, shake his head, and laugh. “Argh,” he’d giggle. “Sis-teen.”
If I knew he’d never live to see his 18th birthday I don’t think I would have ever corrected him.
On Wednesday, this Fourth of July, my baby will turn 18 in Heaven. Just like I always did for him (or so I told him) there will be fireworks, there will be birthday cake and I don’t doubt there will likely be a few tears.
As is our new birthday tradition, we set out 18 flags in the shape of a T on the front lawn. I sat down and the weight descended on me and I just began to cry. My heart broke as I began to think about this landmark year and my son who will not be with us to celebrate. Because of his self-appointing to the age of 18, I had so looked forward to this birthday and making it extra special. Now that it’s here I wish I could turn back time…. or maybe fast-forward through it. I HATE not being able to buy presents for him and watching his face light up.
In the last year-and-a-half, I’ve learned my best method of coping with this loss is when I get upset over something I can’t do I find a way to do it anyways.
This Fourth, Travis and I will be buying birthday presents for Tanner…. only we will be delivering them to the children of CHOC Hospital’s CVICU, the unit in which Tanner passed.
Want to join us in buying gifts?
Feel like buying Tanner a birthday present?!
I’d like to do a quick fundraiser in Tanner’s memory to buy toys for the treasure box. This is a special box of small trinkets and toys the kids in the CVICU get to pick from when they complete a difficult procedure, are especially sad or scared. Just a small way to lift their spirits.
In honor of T-Man’s 18th bday, I would like to invite you to donate $18 (or ANY amount, even $2 will buy two Hot Wheels cars) toward “Tanner’s Birthday Present” fund. I’ll collect money until noon on July 3, 2018 and then go shop for toys.
If you want to contribute toward birthday gifts, please PayPal me at Romney@Dilliant.com
If you’re local to me in Irvine and want to shop for your own items (a cool thing to do with your kids) I’ll be happy to collect them to deliver with our gifts.
We will deliver them on the 4th of July to celebrate Tanner’s birthday and his giving heart that was too big for this world.
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My baby boy in heaven, you’re going to be 18 in just a few short days. Finally…. EIGH-TEEN! Technically, you’re not a baby anymore, but you’ll always be MY baby. You’ll always be the hand I want to hold and the nose I want to smush in kisses. I love you forever.
